1
00:00:01,025 --> 00:00:04,145
OK, so the delivery date's
been moved to March,

2
00:00:04,145 --> 00:00:05,665
but I think I can push it back.

3
00:00:05,665 --> 00:00:07,185
Thanks.

4
00:00:07,185 --> 00:00:08,985
I can't believe
Brian never sent that email.

5
00:00:10,465 --> 00:00:11,985
Jess!

6
00:00:11,985 --> 00:00:15,465
And, I mean, look at this -
he's mixed up euros and kilograms.

7
00:00:15,465 --> 00:00:16,865
Jess!

8
00:00:16,865 --> 00:00:18,385
I swear if I ever see him again,

9
00:00:18,385 --> 00:00:21,225
I'm going to rip off
his stupid clip-on tie

10
00:00:21,225 --> 00:00:22,505
and ram it down his throat.

11
00:00:22,505 --> 00:00:24,065
I'm back.

12
00:00:24,065 --> 00:00:26,345
Oh, Jess,
you won't believe where I've...

13
00:00:29,065 --> 00:00:31,385
Sorry, I thought I heard something.

14
00:00:31,385 --> 00:00:33,305
Ugh, I mean,
look at his internet history...

15
00:00:35,305 --> 00:00:37,945
Just as I suspected! Ha!

16
00:00:37,945 --> 00:00:39,105
Didn't work.

17
00:00:39,105 --> 00:00:41,185
I can't get you home
without the amulet.

18
00:01:00,745 --> 00:01:02,745
So close,

19
00:01:02,745 --> 00:01:04,745
I could almost touch them!

20
00:01:04,745 --> 00:01:06,025
I was basically home.

21
00:01:06,025 --> 00:01:10,625
This is your home now, Brian.
Remember? I forsooth it?

22
00:01:10,625 --> 00:01:14,585
The arrival
of a tall, dark stranger.

23
00:01:14,585 --> 00:01:18,225
I know I can get home
if I can just get that amulet back.

24
00:01:18,225 --> 00:01:19,745
It's going to be tricky.

25
00:01:19,745 --> 00:01:21,265
It'll be locked up
in the lead vault,

26
00:01:21,265 --> 00:01:22,545
at the Protector's Keep.

27
00:01:22,545 --> 00:01:26,825
So the amulet is kept in a vault
underneath the keep?

28
00:01:26,825 --> 00:01:30,345
No. It's at the top,
in the highest tower.

29
00:01:30,345 --> 00:01:32,345
The vault is at the top?

30
00:01:32,345 --> 00:01:34,905
Yeah.
It's designed by Simon the Contrary.

31
00:01:34,905 --> 00:01:37,705
All confiscated magical items are
kept in a lead-lined vault

32
00:01:37,705 --> 00:01:39,345
at the top of the tower.

33
00:01:39,345 --> 00:01:41,345
And all prisoners are kept
in the high security attic.

34
00:01:41,345 --> 00:01:42,425
In the basement.

35
00:01:42,425 --> 00:01:44,345
So I just need to get
into this vault?

36
00:01:44,345 --> 00:01:47,225
Are you mad?
The place is surrounded by fairies.

37
00:01:47,225 --> 00:01:49,585
You'd be killed the moment
you walked through the front door.

38
00:01:49,585 --> 00:01:51,585
Which is round the back by the bins.

39
00:01:51,585 --> 00:01:53,305
Brian.

40
00:01:53,305 --> 00:01:55,585
The runes have a message for you.

41
00:01:56,785 --> 00:01:58,945
I see...

42
00:02:00,465 --> 00:02:01,985
..a fish.

43
00:02:01,985 --> 00:02:03,185
What good is that?

44
00:02:03,185 --> 00:02:06,425
The only fish I'm interested in
is one covered in batter

45
00:02:06,425 --> 00:02:07,665
and served with chips.

46
00:02:07,665 --> 00:02:08,825
Wood chips?

47
00:02:08,825 --> 00:02:12,025
Earth dish, you wouldn't understand.

48
00:02:12,025 --> 00:02:14,505
Yes, that's what I meant.
Earth chips.

49
00:02:14,505 --> 00:02:15,905
There's no point listening to her,
Brian.

50
00:02:15,905 --> 00:02:18,425
She's not even a real soothsayer.
How dare you?!

51
00:02:18,425 --> 00:02:20,025
Then why aren't you
in the Seers Guild?

52
00:02:20,025 --> 00:02:23,345
Because...they're not recruiting
new members.

53
00:02:23,345 --> 00:02:25,425
Ha!

54
00:02:25,425 --> 00:02:26,865
That's not what it says here.

55
00:02:26,865 --> 00:02:28,865
"Seers Guild accepting new members.

56
00:02:28,865 --> 00:02:30,985
"Interviews today."

57
00:02:30,985 --> 00:02:32,425
Do you know? It's not my fault!

58
00:02:32,425 --> 00:02:35,065
It's these stupid runes,
they don't work.

59
00:02:35,065 --> 00:02:38,025
I'm going to go to Howell's
and I'm going to get some new ones

60
00:02:38,025 --> 00:02:41,745
for the interview
which...I knew about!

61
00:02:43,065 --> 00:02:46,065
You know, I'm not going to give up
this easily, Herman.

62
00:02:46,065 --> 00:02:49,345
I mean, how difficult is it
to get into this keep?

63
00:02:52,705 --> 00:02:56,785
What are these...spiky things?
Spikes.

64
00:02:56,785 --> 00:02:58,465
Why are you reading
the Munty Gazette?

65
00:02:58,465 --> 00:03:00,585
Back page.

66
00:03:02,465 --> 00:03:05,625
"Rebel and Agitator."

67
00:03:05,625 --> 00:03:09,545
"Rebel and Agitator -
strong political views,

68
00:03:09,545 --> 00:03:12,865
"seeks partner
for companionship and more."

69
00:03:12,865 --> 00:03:15,265
"Half giant, half dwarf, all fun."

70
00:03:15,265 --> 00:03:18,345
"Likes to swim."
Naked.

71
00:03:18,345 --> 00:03:20,945
What? They've missed off
the rest of the sentence.

72
00:03:20,945 --> 00:03:24,145
It's supposed to read,
"Likes to swim against the tide!"

73
00:03:24,145 --> 00:03:26,545
There's another mistake -
it says you're all fun.

74
00:03:29,585 --> 00:03:31,945
Good day, sir.
Good day, and thanks again!

75
00:03:33,745 --> 00:03:34,985
Howell, don't tell me

76
00:03:34,985 --> 00:03:37,185
that you've actually managed
to sell something,

77
00:03:37,185 --> 00:03:39,625
because I simply don't believe...

78
00:03:40,625 --> 00:03:42,305
..how great you look!

79
00:03:42,305 --> 00:03:45,505
You look years younger,
that is amazing.

80
00:03:45,505 --> 00:03:48,745
Thank you, Barbara.
What can I do you for?

81
00:03:48,745 --> 00:03:52,385
Oh, well, I need some new runes
because - fanfare -

82
00:03:52,385 --> 00:03:55,385
I have applied for the Seers Guild!

83
00:03:55,385 --> 00:03:59,425
Barbara, Barbara, Barbara,
you do not need new runes.

84
00:03:59,425 --> 00:04:05,025
May I recommend
this unique...Candle of Confidence?

85
00:04:05,025 --> 00:04:09,825
Guaranteed to enlighten,
enhance and improve-ify...

86
00:04:11,065 --> 00:04:12,065
..pretty much everything.

87
00:04:12,065 --> 00:04:13,305
Shall we say two sovs?

88
00:04:13,305 --> 00:04:16,785
Oh, you are incredible!

89
00:04:16,785 --> 00:04:18,665
Not only that, Barbara,

90
00:04:18,665 --> 00:04:20,505
the perfect accessory

91
00:04:20,505 --> 00:04:22,905
for any soothsayer...

92
00:04:22,905 --> 00:04:24,745
..is this -

93
00:04:24,745 --> 00:04:27,145
a predictive pen-holder.

94
00:04:27,145 --> 00:04:30,065
I'll take it. Thank you!

95
00:04:30,065 --> 00:04:33,225
Wait for it!

96
00:04:34,745 --> 00:04:38,105
Check out these very rare pieces...

97
00:04:38,105 --> 00:04:40,505
..of dried gravy.

98
00:04:41,625 --> 00:04:45,065
Guaranteed to bring you great...

99
00:04:45,065 --> 00:04:46,705
Gravy!

100
00:04:46,705 --> 00:04:48,145
..luck.

101
00:04:48,145 --> 00:04:50,905
Oh, I can't wait
to try all of these!

102
00:04:50,905 --> 00:04:52,825
Shall we say five sovs?
Yeah, no problem.

103
00:04:52,825 --> 00:04:54,745
And five for the pen holder?
Yeah.

104
00:04:54,745 --> 00:04:56,385
Three for the gravy?
Yeah.

105
00:04:56,385 --> 00:04:58,545
Tell you what,
let's call it 18 all in.

106
00:04:58,545 --> 00:05:01,025
Howell, you are the best!

107
00:05:01,025 --> 00:05:05,465
Actually, Barbara,
you know what you really need?

108
00:05:10,345 --> 00:05:14,825
I get into the vault using
an invisibility potion.

109
00:05:14,825 --> 00:05:19,625
I attack the fairies
with a sword of infinite sharpness.

110
00:05:19,625 --> 00:05:23,145
I escape out the top of the tower

111
00:05:23,145 --> 00:05:26,105
in a magical flying device,

112
00:05:26,105 --> 00:05:29,105
and then I walk away
with the amulet safely in my pocket.

113
00:05:29,105 --> 00:05:30,825
Good plan.

114
00:05:30,825 --> 00:05:31,945
Thanks.

115
00:05:31,945 --> 00:05:33,985
It's all going to be fine!

116
00:05:33,985 --> 00:05:35,985
I'm going to get
into the Seers Guild,

117
00:05:35,985 --> 00:05:39,025
and it's all thanks to this.

118
00:05:39,025 --> 00:05:40,745
What is it?

119
00:05:40,745 --> 00:05:43,785
It's a Candle of Confidence.
It's amazing.

120
00:05:43,785 --> 00:05:46,785
And just in case -
I've got my pen holder.

121
00:05:46,785 --> 00:05:48,945
And also...

122
00:05:48,945 --> 00:05:51,825
Oh, my lucky gravy!

123
00:05:51,825 --> 00:05:54,665
Right. Seers Guild, here I come.

124
00:05:55,865 --> 00:05:59,025
Dear, oh, dear, oh, dear.
Must be muntleberry season.

125
00:05:59,025 --> 00:06:00,305
What?

126
00:06:00,305 --> 00:06:02,425
The berries only come out
once every 10 years,

127
00:06:02,425 --> 00:06:04,305
and they last for just one day.

128
00:06:04,305 --> 00:06:06,625
Howell's got this potion
that he knocks up

129
00:06:06,625 --> 00:06:09,065
that makes him
incredibly charismatic.

130
00:06:09,065 --> 00:06:11,105
He can make people do
just about anything.

131
00:06:11,105 --> 00:06:12,745
How do you know all this?

132
00:06:14,985 --> 00:06:17,145
I bought this off him 10 years ago.

133
00:06:19,145 --> 00:06:20,625
Said it'd bring in the customers.

134
00:06:25,345 --> 00:06:27,265
Wait a minute, Herman, that's it!

135
00:06:27,265 --> 00:06:31,785
That's how I get into the vault,
with this charisma potion!

136
00:06:31,785 --> 00:06:35,985
I charm the fairies, and they let me
walk straight in. Brilliant!

137
00:06:38,545 --> 00:06:40,465
Brilliant.

138
00:06:40,465 --> 00:06:42,745
Brilliant.

139
00:06:42,745 --> 00:06:45,385
Well, lads,
I'm getting the amulet back

140
00:06:45,385 --> 00:06:46,705
and I'm going home.

141
00:06:46,705 --> 00:06:49,345
Well, you got the potion, then?
Don't need it.

142
00:06:49,345 --> 00:06:50,945
Because I've got this!

143
00:06:54,465 --> 00:06:56,025
It's a Climbing Fork.

144
00:06:56,025 --> 00:06:57,225
How does it work?

145
00:06:57,225 --> 00:06:59,265
Well, you simply use take the fork

146
00:06:59,265 --> 00:07:02,145
and use it to climb up the tower
and into the vault!

147
00:07:02,145 --> 00:07:03,185
Yeah...

148
00:07:03,185 --> 00:07:05,025
But how?

149
00:07:05,025 --> 00:07:08,145
Honestly, Herman, keep up, will you?

150
00:07:08,145 --> 00:07:14,305
You take the fork and then you use it
to climb up the tower.

151
00:07:14,305 --> 00:07:16,025
Perhaps you could demonstrate?

152
00:07:16,025 --> 00:07:20,705
You guys! OK, alright.

153
00:07:20,705 --> 00:07:22,225
You've got your climbing fork, yeah?

154
00:07:22,225 --> 00:07:26,425
Yeah.
And then you just climb up.

155
00:07:26,425 --> 00:07:27,705
But how?

156
00:07:27,705 --> 00:07:29,945
Using the fork!

157
00:07:31,145 --> 00:07:34,025
Look. It's easy, OK?

158
00:07:34,025 --> 00:07:35,065
You just...

159
00:07:38,625 --> 00:07:40,585
Ah, no.

160
00:07:40,585 --> 00:07:43,625
I think you just have to...

161
00:07:47,825 --> 00:07:49,425
Well, you just, um...

162
00:07:49,425 --> 00:07:51,065
You...

163
00:07:53,705 --> 00:07:55,425
It's just a fork, isn't it?

164
00:07:55,425 --> 00:07:57,505
Yep.

165
00:07:57,505 --> 00:08:02,105
Wow. That potion is strong.

166
00:08:02,105 --> 00:08:05,305
How am I supposed to get any
without Howell charming me?

167
00:08:05,305 --> 00:08:07,985
It'll wear off eventually.
Yeah, but how will I know?

168
00:08:07,985 --> 00:08:09,545
'Cause he'll be in here
spending his money.

169
00:08:09,545 --> 00:08:10,825
But when... Whoa!

170
00:08:12,065 --> 00:08:13,945
Post. Special delivery.

171
00:08:16,265 --> 00:08:18,345
It's a reply to my advert!

172
00:08:18,345 --> 00:08:20,065
As I thought.

173
00:08:20,065 --> 00:08:23,705
"Dear Rebel and Agitator.

174
00:08:23,705 --> 00:08:26,625
"It seems we have a lot in common.

175
00:08:26,625 --> 00:08:29,345
"I'd LOVE -
and love is in capital letters -

176
00:08:29,345 --> 00:08:32,825
"to meet at the Lake of Serenity
this afternoon.

177
00:08:32,825 --> 00:08:33,905
"Lorelei."

178
00:08:33,905 --> 00:08:36,025
Isn't that where Slasher Morgan
drowned all those dogs?

179
00:08:36,025 --> 00:08:37,945
Dogs?
Whoa!

180
00:08:37,945 --> 00:08:39,145
Don't let go!

181
00:08:39,145 --> 00:08:42,425
What's happening?
It's self-returning. Hurry up, Steg!

182
00:08:42,425 --> 00:08:44,585
Yeah, coming. One second.

183
00:08:44,585 --> 00:08:48,905
Oh, God!
"Dear Lorelei."

184
00:08:48,905 --> 00:08:50,305
Steg!

185
00:08:50,305 --> 00:08:52,185
"Perfect.

186
00:08:52,185 --> 00:08:54,185
"Just the two of us...
Keep hold of it, Brian!

187
00:08:54,185 --> 00:08:55,705
Don't let go of it!

188
00:08:55,705 --> 00:09:01,145
"..waiting for the sunset."
Oh, it's hurting me!

189
00:09:01,145 --> 00:09:03,305
Hold on a sec,
is that two words or one?

190
00:09:03,305 --> 00:09:04,705
Steg, you've got to hurry up!

191
00:09:04,705 --> 00:09:06,225
Yeah, coming. One second.

192
00:09:07,465 --> 00:09:09,065
There we go.

193
00:09:11,225 --> 00:09:13,785
Come on, Steg!
Hurry up, Steg.

194
00:09:13,785 --> 00:09:15,545
My shoulders are separating.

195
00:09:15,545 --> 00:09:17,945
Alright, go.

196
00:09:20,785 --> 00:09:22,305
- Oi!
- Watch it!

197
00:09:23,305 --> 00:09:25,905
I'm off to get my bad boy jacket.

198
00:09:25,905 --> 00:09:29,185
The ladies love it.
Anons, gentlemen.

199
00:09:31,025 --> 00:09:32,825
This reminds me
of that winter campaign, when...

200
00:09:32,825 --> 00:09:34,625
I'll have a pint please, Herman.

201
00:09:34,625 --> 00:09:36,225
Yeah, coming up.

202
00:09:38,105 --> 00:09:40,025
Why not buy this, um...

203
00:09:40,025 --> 00:09:42,745
..oh, invisible pot?

204
00:09:42,745 --> 00:09:44,025
You can't see it, can you?

205
00:09:44,025 --> 00:09:45,385
Yeah.
It's on my hand.

206
00:09:45,385 --> 00:09:46,385
Yeah.
About that high.

207
00:09:46,385 --> 00:09:48,665
Yeah. And why would I buy that?

208
00:09:48,665 --> 00:09:52,225
Well, 'cause I'm so charming.

209
00:09:52,225 --> 00:09:54,345
You're a lunatic.

210
00:09:54,345 --> 00:09:56,425
It must be wearing off.

211
00:09:56,425 --> 00:10:00,225
Krunt! It's worn off.

212
00:10:02,585 --> 00:10:06,305
Hello? Hello?

213
00:10:06,305 --> 00:10:08,385
Hello?
Hello!

214
00:10:08,385 --> 00:10:10,665
Lorelei?
Over here!

215
00:10:10,665 --> 00:10:12,345
Oh.

216
00:10:14,265 --> 00:10:17,425
Hi, you're in the water.

217
00:10:17,425 --> 00:10:21,225
Yup, that's me!
You're a keen swimmer, right?

218
00:10:21,225 --> 00:10:22,865
Yeah.

219
00:10:22,865 --> 00:10:25,545
So, are you coming in?

220
00:10:27,785 --> 00:10:30,945
Oh... Oh.

221
00:10:32,825 --> 00:10:34,465
Oh.

222
00:10:35,465 --> 00:10:37,465
Is that a dog?

223
00:10:37,465 --> 00:10:42,065
Where is Howell?
I mean, the pub's open.

224
00:10:42,065 --> 00:10:44,665
Trust me, he'll be here.

225
00:10:44,665 --> 00:10:46,305
I need that charisma potion.

226
00:10:46,305 --> 00:10:48,905
By tonight,
I'll be back in my own world.

227
00:10:48,905 --> 00:10:52,465
- In my own bed!
- Where is he?

228
00:10:52,465 --> 00:10:53,945
Howell?

229
00:10:53,945 --> 00:10:55,265
Disaster!

230
00:10:55,265 --> 00:10:59,025
That candle I got off Howell,
it doesn't work.

231
00:10:59,025 --> 00:11:00,425
You do realise
it's muntleberry season.

232
00:11:00,425 --> 00:11:02,785
Oh, Krunt!

233
00:11:02,785 --> 00:11:05,025
I've got my Seers Guild interview
this afternoon,

234
00:11:05,025 --> 00:11:06,585
what am I going to do?!

235
00:11:06,585 --> 00:11:08,425
Howell?
I bring news.

236
00:11:08,425 --> 00:11:10,585
Something extraordinary
has happened to me.

237
00:11:10,585 --> 00:11:12,905
Don't tell me. I need the practice.

238
00:11:14,185 --> 00:11:17,025
No-one came to your fifth birthday.

239
00:11:17,025 --> 00:11:18,825
No. It's not that obviously.

240
00:11:18,825 --> 00:11:20,505
See? I've got no chance!

241
00:11:20,505 --> 00:11:22,265
Anyway,
that was a mix up with dates.

242
00:11:22,265 --> 00:11:25,425
What I am, in fact, referring to
is my date with Lorelei.

243
00:11:26,465 --> 00:11:28,145
She really got me, you know?

244
00:11:28,145 --> 00:11:30,025
So when do we get to meet her?

245
00:11:30,025 --> 00:11:32,385
Well, you know, there's no rush.

246
00:11:32,385 --> 00:11:34,625
My pub not good enough for her?

247
00:11:34,625 --> 00:11:36,145
She's a demi-fin.

248
00:11:36,145 --> 00:11:38,465
Oh.
Oh! Like a mermaid.

249
00:11:38,465 --> 00:11:40,185
Well, I don't know
what they call them in your world,

250
00:11:40,185 --> 00:11:41,425
Brian, but in this world,

251
00:11:41,425 --> 00:11:43,585
they're a persecuted minority
like myself.

252
00:11:43,585 --> 00:11:47,265
This could be
the start of something special.

253
00:11:47,265 --> 00:11:50,625
Has she asked you to swim upstream
with her to...spawn yet?

254
00:11:50,625 --> 00:11:54,025
That is piscophobic, actually,
Herman.

255
00:11:54,025 --> 00:11:55,345
Howell!

256
00:11:55,345 --> 00:11:57,785
Don't even think about coming
in here with that charisma potion!

257
00:11:57,785 --> 00:11:59,425
Don't worry, it's worn off.

258
00:11:59,425 --> 00:12:02,625
Now, Herman,
a Whirling Dervish, please.

259
00:12:02,625 --> 00:12:03,945
Heavy on the mustard.

260
00:12:03,945 --> 00:12:05,185
Coming up.

261
00:12:05,185 --> 00:12:06,745
You owe me 20 sovereigns!

262
00:12:06,745 --> 00:12:09,425
I've got my Seers Guild interview
in an hour,

263
00:12:09,425 --> 00:12:11,545
and all I've got to help me
is a half a candle,

264
00:12:11,545 --> 00:12:13,705
a chipped mug and some gravy!

265
00:12:14,825 --> 00:12:18,345
I do have some charisma potion left.

266
00:12:18,345 --> 00:12:19,905
No, I need it.

267
00:12:19,905 --> 00:12:22,945
I would never take charisma potion

268
00:12:22,945 --> 00:12:25,345
because that would be cheating,
wouldn't it?

269
00:12:25,345 --> 00:12:28,625
And I'd get found out, wouldn't I?
Wouldn't I?

270
00:12:28,625 --> 00:12:31,385
Yeah. Definitely.

271
00:12:31,385 --> 00:12:36,465
Some of us, Barbara, rely on
our own natural charm and charisma.

272
00:12:36,465 --> 00:12:38,345
Yeah.

273
00:12:38,345 --> 00:12:41,665
Look, Howell, I need that potion
to charm my way into the vault

274
00:12:41,665 --> 00:12:44,025
so I can grab the amulet
and go home.

275
00:12:44,025 --> 00:12:46,145
I've only got one bottle left,
Brian.

276
00:12:47,265 --> 00:12:49,225
I don't have any money.

277
00:12:49,225 --> 00:12:51,385
I don't want your money.

278
00:12:51,385 --> 00:12:57,105
You can pay me by getting
one small item from the vault.

279
00:12:57,105 --> 00:13:03,025
The Necromancers' Total Spell book,
Volume 1, A to N.

280
00:13:03,025 --> 00:13:04,705
Deal!
Just checking.

281
00:13:04,705 --> 00:13:06,745
It would be wrong of me
to take that

282
00:13:06,745 --> 00:13:08,785
before my Seers Guild interview,
wouldn't it?

283
00:13:08,785 --> 00:13:10,025
Yes, it would.

284
00:13:10,025 --> 00:13:12,345
Yes, that's what I thought.
I thought that.

285
00:13:12,345 --> 00:13:16,265
So, no, that's fine, fine.
That's fine.

286
00:13:16,265 --> 00:13:17,625
Alright, whatever.

287
00:13:17,625 --> 00:13:19,785
Look, this is enough to get me
in and out the vault, right?

288
00:13:19,785 --> 00:13:21,145
Oh, you want to get out?

289
00:13:21,145 --> 00:13:23,665
Oh, no, no, no, no.

290
00:13:23,665 --> 00:13:26,905
To get out,
you're going to need an extra dose.

291
00:13:28,145 --> 00:13:32,585
This is absolutely,
definitely the last bottle.

292
00:13:32,585 --> 00:13:36,465
Shall we say Volume 2, O to X?

293
00:13:36,465 --> 00:13:38,625
Yes. You're on. Right.

294
00:13:38,625 --> 00:13:43,065
And if I take this,
nothing weird's going to happen?

295
00:13:43,065 --> 00:13:45,345
There's not going to be
any side effects or anything?

296
00:13:45,345 --> 00:13:46,905
Absolutely none.

297
00:13:46,905 --> 00:13:50,145
Brilliant. This is it.

298
00:13:50,145 --> 00:13:52,625
I've got what I need to get home!

299
00:13:52,625 --> 00:13:53,825
How do I get to the fairies?

300
00:13:53,825 --> 00:13:55,465
Oh, I just summon one up.

301
00:13:55,465 --> 00:13:56,665
For a fee.

302
00:13:57,665 --> 00:14:00,305
Volume 3, Y to Z?

303
00:14:00,305 --> 00:14:02,705
Fine, yes. Whatever.
Come on, let's go.

304
00:14:15,705 --> 00:14:18,505
Oi!

305
00:14:18,505 --> 00:14:22,425
I'd drink that potion up
if I was you, Brian.

306
00:14:29,985 --> 00:14:31,425
Nobody move!

307
00:14:31,425 --> 00:14:34,745
Someone has been causing
a disturbance.

308
00:14:34,745 --> 00:14:36,825
Who was it?

309
00:14:36,825 --> 00:14:39,585
Oi, you!
What do you think you're doing?

310
00:14:42,625 --> 00:14:45,625
Come here. Come here.

311
00:14:48,145 --> 00:14:49,385
Name?

312
00:14:49,385 --> 00:14:52,105
It's B-Brian.

313
00:14:52,105 --> 00:14:55,025
Well, Brian,
I'm going to take you...

314
00:14:58,665 --> 00:15:01,865
..over to the bar
and buy you a drink!

315
00:15:01,865 --> 00:15:07,385
And if you don't mind me saying,
that is a really nice jacket!

316
00:15:07,385 --> 00:15:14,305
Well, we'll just leave you to it,
Brian, you lovely, lovely man.

317
00:15:14,305 --> 00:15:16,985
Yeah, I've got to go as well.

318
00:15:16,985 --> 00:15:19,225
I love what you've done
with your hair.

319
00:15:20,425 --> 00:15:21,985
On your bike!

320
00:15:26,025 --> 00:15:27,425
What can I get you?

321
00:15:27,425 --> 00:15:29,985
Um, I'll have a pint, please, sir.

322
00:15:29,985 --> 00:15:36,785
Please, call me Hawthorn.
Oi, barman! One pint, pronto.

323
00:15:36,785 --> 00:15:39,625
- Don't keep the gentleman waiting.
- Course, sir.

324
00:15:39,625 --> 00:15:40,905
And a small sherry for me.

325
00:15:40,905 --> 00:15:43,665
Hurry up!
Sorry for the delay, Brian.

326
00:15:43,665 --> 00:15:45,785
You just can't get the staff
nowadays, can you?

327
00:15:49,185 --> 00:15:52,065
A very nice pint
for one of our very best customers.

328
00:15:52,065 --> 00:15:53,985
Now, Brian,

329
00:15:53,985 --> 00:15:57,225
you've got to tell me
about those fabulous shoes.

330
00:15:59,585 --> 00:16:00,625
So, me and Chestnut,

331
00:16:00,625 --> 00:16:02,785
we hear shouting
from this house, right?

332
00:16:02,785 --> 00:16:05,065
We ran over, kicked the door down,

333
00:16:05,065 --> 00:16:07,065
but we're too late, everyone's dead!

334
00:16:07,065 --> 00:16:09,705
Yeah, great stuff!

335
00:16:09,705 --> 00:16:14,145
Do you know, I've always wanted
to see the lead vault, Hawthorn.

336
00:16:14,145 --> 00:16:19,745
You know, just to remind me
how safe you fairies keep the town.

337
00:16:19,745 --> 00:16:21,905
I'd love to take you there, Brian.

338
00:16:21,905 --> 00:16:25,465
It's just that the vault is
really heavily restricted

339
00:16:25,465 --> 00:16:28,425
and out of bounds
to non-fairy personnel.

340
00:16:28,425 --> 00:16:30,025
No, you're absolutely right,
Hawthorn.

341
00:16:30,025 --> 00:16:31,505
Let me get you another sherry.

342
00:16:31,505 --> 00:16:35,825
Oh, Brian, you really are
tremendously kind. Thank you.

343
00:16:35,825 --> 00:16:38,385
Oh, it's nothing.

344
00:16:38,385 --> 00:16:42,625
You know what, in fact,
I'll tell you something, Brian.

345
00:16:42,625 --> 00:16:44,625
I am going to take you
to that lead vault.

346
00:16:44,625 --> 00:16:47,345
Really?
Yeah. Stuff the rules!

347
00:16:47,345 --> 00:16:49,465
And I'll tell you something else.

348
00:16:49,465 --> 00:16:53,345
From up there,
you get a lovely view of the town.

349
00:16:53,345 --> 00:16:59,705
And I can't think of anyone else
that I'd rather share it with.

350
00:16:59,705 --> 00:17:02,865
Right.
Well, then, perhaps we should...

351
00:17:02,865 --> 00:17:04,065
Yeah?

352
00:17:04,065 --> 00:17:06,025
Your drinks, Brian.

353
00:17:06,025 --> 00:17:07,545
I'm going to be watching you!

354
00:17:07,545 --> 00:17:09,865
And your pub.

355
00:17:09,865 --> 00:17:11,305
After your, Brian.

356
00:17:40,505 --> 00:17:43,145
Could I have
the next candidate, please?

357
00:17:45,145 --> 00:17:47,305
They should, of course,
know who they are.

358
00:18:39,865 --> 00:18:45,105
Yeah, and that is when
he finally had his arms cut off!

359
00:18:45,105 --> 00:18:48,185
And this is the door
of the vaulted cell.

360
00:18:48,185 --> 00:18:51,145
Nice and secure, as you can see.

361
00:18:55,865 --> 00:18:58,025
Yeah, it's beautiful.

362
00:18:58,025 --> 00:19:01,105
Look, I don't mean to rush you,
but do you think we could...?

363
00:19:01,105 --> 00:19:02,465
Yes, of course.

364
00:19:02,465 --> 00:19:05,145
I do apologise, Brian.
Look at me, wasting your time!

365
00:19:05,145 --> 00:19:06,345
I know.

366
00:19:06,345 --> 00:19:08,465
Now, without further delay...
Yep.

367
00:19:08,465 --> 00:19:10,025
..let me open the door.
Good.

368
00:19:11,345 --> 00:19:15,425
What's all this?
Non-fairy in the keep, Hawthorn?

369
00:19:15,425 --> 00:19:16,985
That's right, Chestnut.

370
00:19:16,985 --> 00:19:20,345
This is a very good friend of mine,
Brian.

371
00:19:20,345 --> 00:19:23,345
Brian, this is Chestnut.

372
00:19:26,065 --> 00:19:30,945
Brian, may I just say
that you have got marvellous ears

373
00:19:30,945 --> 00:19:32,705
and it is an absolute pleasure
to meet you.

374
00:19:32,705 --> 00:19:33,945
Thank you. Thank you very much.

375
00:19:33,945 --> 00:19:34,985
Funny story for you, Brian.

376
00:19:34,985 --> 00:19:37,345
One time, me and Hawthorn,

377
00:19:37,345 --> 00:19:39,185
we heard some screaming
from a house,

378
00:19:39,185 --> 00:19:41,025
and when we kicked the doors in...

379
00:19:41,025 --> 00:19:44,105
Everyone was dead!

380
00:19:44,105 --> 00:19:45,985
Yeah, no, that is good. I love that.

381
00:19:45,985 --> 00:19:48,265
Do you reckon we could actually
just get in that vault, though?

382
00:19:48,265 --> 00:19:50,225
That'd be great if we could.
Oh, very good, yeah.

383
00:19:50,225 --> 00:19:51,505
May I have the honour
of joining you?

384
00:19:51,505 --> 00:19:53,465
Of course. Absolutely. Let's go.

385
00:19:53,465 --> 00:19:56,345
Oi, oi, what's all this noise?
Oh, God!

386
00:19:56,345 --> 00:19:58,865
And what's this non-fairy
doing inside the keep?

387
00:19:58,865 --> 00:20:00,345
Who are you and...

388
00:20:00,345 --> 00:20:03,385
..why have I not been introduced
to this fine, upstanding young man?

389
00:20:03,385 --> 00:20:05,625
Brian, this is Skylark.

390
00:20:08,505 --> 00:20:10,225
Here we are.

391
00:20:10,225 --> 00:20:11,745
Your place.

392
00:20:11,745 --> 00:20:13,905
Thanks for a lovely time.

393
00:20:15,585 --> 00:20:17,465
Doesn't have to end now, though,
does it?

394
00:20:17,465 --> 00:20:19,065
I could...slip in.

395
00:20:19,065 --> 00:20:21,865
Do you mean...the lake?

396
00:20:21,865 --> 00:20:23,585
Yeah. And that.

397
00:20:25,025 --> 00:20:27,105
Oh, I'm sorry, Steg.

398
00:20:27,105 --> 00:20:31,265
I wish we could take things further,
but we can't.

399
00:20:31,265 --> 00:20:34,985
I'm very broadminded.
No, I mean we physically can't.

400
00:20:34,985 --> 00:20:36,665
I don't have the...

401
00:20:36,665 --> 00:20:38,265
I can't put it...?
No.

402
00:20:38,265 --> 00:20:41,185
All demi-fins use
external fertilisation

403
00:20:41,185 --> 00:20:43,625
of eggs released
from their genital papillae.

404
00:20:45,665 --> 00:20:47,585
It's just not possible.

405
00:20:49,425 --> 00:20:51,225
So, that's it, then.

406
00:20:51,225 --> 00:20:55,665
I'm afraid so.
I'm not like normal women.

407
00:20:55,665 --> 00:20:58,225
I know a wizard
who can help us be together.

408
00:20:58,225 --> 00:21:00,105
He could change you into a woman!

409
00:21:00,105 --> 00:21:02,505
That would mean
I'd have to give up everything

410
00:21:02,505 --> 00:21:05,425
and I...just don't think
I could do that.

411
00:21:05,425 --> 00:21:08,105
Oh.
I'm sorry, Steg.

412
00:21:08,105 --> 00:21:10,465
I think we should call it a day.

413
00:21:10,465 --> 00:21:12,785
Yeah, I understand.

414
00:21:12,785 --> 00:21:14,545
Anons.

415
00:21:14,545 --> 00:21:17,265
Well, um,
could you tip me into the lake?

416
00:21:18,865 --> 00:21:20,825
Couldn't you just...?

417
00:21:20,825 --> 00:21:22,705
Oh, for...

418
00:21:24,825 --> 00:21:26,745
Do you know what?

419
00:21:30,225 --> 00:21:33,265
Take a look at this, Brian.
My daughter gave me this.

420
00:21:33,265 --> 00:21:34,945
It's a decorative twig.
Do you like it?

421
00:21:34,945 --> 00:21:36,265
Yes, it's great.

422
00:21:36,265 --> 00:21:38,425
Tell you what,
why don't I open the vault?

423
00:21:38,425 --> 00:21:42,145
Of course, Brian, be my guest!

424
00:21:44,985 --> 00:21:48,225
Ow!
I propose a celebratory shanty.

425
00:21:48,225 --> 00:21:50,265
Have some
of my wife's mountain bread.

426
00:21:50,265 --> 00:21:52,865
 In yon bonny glade
the old goat did stand and eat... 

427
00:21:52,865 --> 00:21:54,065
Yes. Lovely.

428
00:21:54,065 --> 00:21:55,225
This is my eldest.

429
00:21:55,225 --> 00:21:56,825
Oh, she's beautiful.

430
00:21:56,825 --> 00:21:59,585
She?! That's my son.

431
00:21:59,585 --> 00:22:01,065
Oh, well. Never mid, eh?

432
00:22:01,065 --> 00:22:02,465
Let's go get that amulet!

433
00:22:05,625 --> 00:22:06,785
Why?

434
00:22:06,785 --> 00:22:09,105
You can't have that.
It's confiscated.

435
00:22:09,105 --> 00:22:11,825
Yeah, but I just really want it.

436
00:22:11,825 --> 00:22:13,505
You know, 'cause it's me.

437
00:22:13,505 --> 00:22:16,665
This is a restricted area.
What are you doing here, anyway?

438
00:22:16,665 --> 00:22:22,265
I just need to...take some medicine.

439
00:22:22,265 --> 00:22:24,465
Oh. It's not there.

440
00:22:24,465 --> 00:22:25,745
What's not there?

441
00:22:25,745 --> 00:22:27,385
And who brought you here?

442
00:22:27,385 --> 00:22:29,985
You did! Remember?

443
00:22:29,985 --> 00:22:33,985
Hey, come on, guys,
we're all friends, aren't we?

444
00:22:33,985 --> 00:22:35,505
Remember?

445
00:22:35,505 --> 00:22:39,625
Let's have another -
On the old bonny glade... 

446
00:22:42,185 --> 00:22:45,665
He's using unauthorised magic.
Leave this to me.

447
00:22:45,665 --> 00:22:47,425
Ugh!

448
00:22:47,425 --> 00:22:49,305
Right, boys, fill your boots.

449
00:22:55,905 --> 00:22:59,065
Change of plan.
Turns out I'm staying.

450
00:22:59,065 --> 00:23:01,505
Oh, Brian, what's happened?

451
00:23:01,505 --> 00:23:04,145
Remember when Howell said that
there were no side effects?

452
00:23:04,145 --> 00:23:05,465
Yeah, he was out by one.

453
00:23:05,465 --> 00:23:06,825
Didn't the potion work?

454
00:23:06,825 --> 00:23:09,385
Oh, it worked great.
Until I ran out.

455
00:23:09,385 --> 00:23:12,025
And then I couldn't find
the second dose.

456
00:23:12,025 --> 00:23:14,145
Well, maybe you dropped it.

457
00:23:14,145 --> 00:23:16,105
Yeah, either that...

458
00:23:16,105 --> 00:23:18,065
..or someone stole it.

459
00:23:19,625 --> 00:23:22,345
Anyway,
congratulations are in order.

460
00:23:22,345 --> 00:23:24,545
Barbara's got into the Seers Guild.

461
00:23:26,025 --> 00:23:27,265
Did you now, Barbara?

462
00:23:29,105 --> 00:23:31,185
I know, it sounds surprising.

463
00:23:31,185 --> 00:23:32,745
It really does.

464
00:23:32,745 --> 00:23:34,385
Nice hat.

465
00:23:34,385 --> 00:23:35,785
Thank you.

466
00:23:35,785 --> 00:23:39,545
It's quite warm in here, isn't it?
Getting warm, yeah.

467
00:23:39,545 --> 00:23:40,705
Why don't you take it off?

468
00:23:40,705 --> 00:23:42,705
Oh, no, I don't want to
'cause I like it.

469
00:23:42,705 --> 00:23:44,265
Take it off.

470
00:23:44,265 --> 00:23:46,785
Unless you've got something to hide.

471
00:23:46,785 --> 00:23:48,145
Oh, you think I took your potion?

472
00:23:48,145 --> 00:23:50,385
How else would you get
into the Guild?

473
00:23:51,625 --> 00:23:57,465
That is very, extremely hurtful.

474
00:23:57,465 --> 00:23:59,985
And I will not take it off.

475
00:23:59,985 --> 00:24:02,425
Brian! You got my spell books?

476
00:24:02,425 --> 00:24:04,105
No side effects, eh?

477
00:24:05,825 --> 00:24:07,585
Yeah.

478
00:24:07,585 --> 00:24:10,665
And I think you'll find Barbara
has the same under her hat.

479
00:24:10,665 --> 00:24:13,185
I am NOT taking it off.

480
00:24:14,465 --> 00:24:16,865
Let's crack on, shall we?

481
00:24:16,865 --> 00:24:17,865
What's happening?

482
00:24:17,865 --> 00:24:19,905
Separation spell for Lorelei.

483
00:24:19,905 --> 00:24:21,025
What for?

484
00:24:21,025 --> 00:24:25,505
A demi-fin is basically
two creatures magically conjoined

485
00:24:25,505 --> 00:24:28,625
and occupying
the same time and space.

486
00:24:28,625 --> 00:24:31,265
I'm will attempt to untangle them

487
00:24:31,265 --> 00:24:38,425
so that Steg...and it...can
consummate their fulfilment.

488
00:24:40,905 --> 00:24:44,065
So they can squirl, Herman.
Yeah.

489
00:24:44,065 --> 00:24:45,745
Howell!

490
00:24:45,745 --> 00:24:48,105
Come and watch a wizard at work.

491
00:24:53,265 --> 00:24:54,785
What are you doing?
Just let me have a look.

492
00:24:54,785 --> 00:24:55,785
No!
Let me have a look.

493
00:24:57,425 --> 00:24:59,625
Perhaps you could start
the incantation?

494
00:24:59,625 --> 00:25:02,265
Yes, yes, of course.
Excellent idea, Steg.

495
00:25:05,865 --> 00:25:10,825
Can I just say that Lorelei
has made me incredibly happy

496
00:25:10,825 --> 00:25:14,705
and that I am thrilled
that she has agreed

497
00:25:14,705 --> 00:25:16,145
to undertake
the separation process.

498
00:25:16,145 --> 00:25:19,265
Yes, although I will miss the water.

499
00:25:19,265 --> 00:25:20,425
Of course.

500
00:25:20,425 --> 00:25:23,345
Whilst we won't be in the water,
we can still be near it.

501
00:25:23,345 --> 00:25:25,105
It is a bit risky.

502
00:25:25,105 --> 00:25:27,665
But well worth it.
Howell, can you crack on, please?

503
00:25:27,665 --> 00:25:30,065
Actually, I really think
I might be having second thoughts.

504
00:25:30,065 --> 00:25:31,465
Howell!

505
00:25:31,465 --> 00:25:34,865
I command these two beings
to separate!

506
00:25:46,745 --> 00:25:48,465
What in Krunt's name is that?

507
00:25:48,465 --> 00:25:50,985
Well, that can happen.

508
00:25:50,985 --> 00:25:52,305
She's a fish.

509
00:25:52,305 --> 00:25:54,065
In this world, yes,

510
00:25:54,065 --> 00:25:59,945
but in another time and space,
she is now a complete woman.

511
00:25:59,945 --> 00:26:01,265
I'm actually quite pleased
with that.

512
00:26:01,265 --> 00:26:05,385
She's a bloody fish.
Oh, Steg, that's piscophobic.

513
00:26:05,385 --> 00:26:06,585
Fuck off.

514
00:26:06,585 --> 00:26:09,145
Oh, well. Plenty more f...

515
00:26:09,145 --> 00:26:11,145
Don't say it!

516
00:26:11,145 --> 00:26:12,745
The one time a girl...

517
00:26:12,745 --> 00:26:14,505
Demi-fin.
Whatever!

518
00:26:14,505 --> 00:26:16,305
..was prepared to change
her whole way of life for me

519
00:26:16,305 --> 00:26:18,105
because she loved me for who I was,

520
00:26:18,105 --> 00:26:19,385
my own true self.

521
00:26:22,505 --> 00:26:28,585
Steg, you are - what we call
in my world - an arse.

522
00:26:28,585 --> 00:26:33,105
I'm going for a walk.
Can anyone lend me a hat?

523
00:26:34,665 --> 00:26:37,505
Have mine.

524
00:26:37,505 --> 00:26:39,985
I lied about
getting into the Seers Guild.

525
00:26:39,985 --> 00:26:42,185
I didn't even make it
into the interview.

526
00:26:42,185 --> 00:26:44,345
I bought that from the gift shop.

527
00:26:51,985 --> 00:26:54,465
Don't forget your fish!

528
00:27:02,105 --> 00:27:06,385
Poor old Steg,
I almost feel sorry for him.

529
00:27:06,385 --> 00:27:09,625
I don't. He stole my potion.

530
00:27:09,625 --> 00:27:11,905
It'll be 10 years
before I can try that again.

531
00:27:11,905 --> 00:27:14,065
You do still, of course, owe me
for the spell books, Brian.

532
00:27:14,065 --> 00:27:15,745
But under the circumstances,

533
00:27:15,745 --> 00:27:18,625
I am willing to accept
their equivalent monetary value.

534
00:27:19,825 --> 00:27:21,945
Seeing as your feeling homesick,
Brian,

535
00:27:21,945 --> 00:27:26,225
I thought I'd cheer you up
with this - fish and chips!

536
00:27:26,225 --> 00:27:27,945
That's brilliant!

537
00:27:29,225 --> 00:27:31,305
Oh, that's great, that is.

538
00:27:31,305 --> 00:27:34,305
Actually, Barbara,
you did see me with a fish.

539
00:27:34,305 --> 00:27:36,945
I am a good soothsayer, aren't I?

540
00:27:36,945 --> 00:27:39,345
Cheers.
Have you got any jam?

541
00:27:40,705 --> 00:27:43,465
Steg?! I wasn't expecting you back.

542
00:27:44,665 --> 00:27:47,425
I've come to a decision.
That looks nice.

543
00:27:47,425 --> 00:27:50,745
I've decided
to make a go of it with Lorelei.

544
00:27:59,625 --> 00:28:01,945
I mean, she may not be
exactly the person

545
00:28:01,945 --> 00:28:04,145
I thought I'd be spending
the rest of my life with,

546
00:28:04,145 --> 00:28:06,185
but it's not what she looks like.

547
00:28:07,745 --> 00:28:10,385
It's what's inside that matters.

548
00:28:12,345 --> 00:28:13,425
Where is she?

549
00:28:15,785 --> 00:28:17,545
This is her, isn't it?

550
00:28:17,595 --> 00:28:22,145
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